Wednesday, September 05, 2018

Da Toot Toot Rail According To Aunty In Pidgin

Dear Honey Boy!
This is your old Aunty (Anti) Rail from Makakilo writing you with da update on Da Rail — you know, da one dat started when you was in grade school, and now you graduated from college, got married and living in Vegas!
Well, this thing is goin’ —no, not da train. Dat thing isn’t goin’ yet. Da talk is still goin’, goin’, goin’, not da train! Da bugga is still parked in da train barn in Waipahu.
Dey brought ’em out once — went toot, toot, and dey went put ’em back inside. Da thing never even go by itself, something was pullin’ ’em! Was nice, shiny and clean, and every body got so excited. Toot! Toot! I like hear how da bugga goin’ sound when da steel goin’ grin’ on da steel rail, then I really goin’ know da bugga is running! 
Da council members and legislators still thinking and voting on how dey can raise da General Excise Tax, raise da parking, raise da car registration, raise da gas, raise da property tax, raise everything fo’ get more money from da people — dats all dey do! Keep pillin’ ’em on da backs of da hard working people of Hawaii. Dey not goin’ stop til da buggas bleed us to death!
HART rail guideway car photo op Farrington Hwy Waipahu. 30 may 2017
The guideway along Farrington Highway in Waipahu. Dey still building da rail.
Cory Lum/Civil Beat
I went Kapolei, to da field of dreams, where da grass is tall, da fence is high, and where Da Rail starts or maybe ends — I dunno — I still never figga ’em out! I no see da Rail Station — I only see rusting steel sticking out of da ground, and one beautiful shiny sign dat says, “East Kapolei Station.”
I ask da guys, “When I goin’ see the station instead a da sign?”
Then I look up at da rail, and I ask how da train goin’ turn around — da thing just end and drop off, just like one straight diving board! I figga the bugga gotta turn ’round fo’ go back.
Dey tell me, “Oh, we still building ’em and when we finish ’em you goin’ see.”
Ha-ha! Funny kine, but dats okay, Honey Boy, I goin’ trust ’em because dey not goin’ lie to me. Dey Luv Aunty and all da Kupuna!

Da Check-In Counta

I went follow Da Rail from Kapolei all da way down to Da Stadium. Oh, big pillas everywhere. I look up and down da street. I no see rail stations. I see things sticking out sideways, so I figga dats where goin’ be?
I still no see place for park — funny kine. I wonda, “Where da thousands dey expecting goin’ park?”
I keep following da pillas all da way down to Pearl Harbor. Da pillas went stop, right by Da Arizona Memorial Gate.
I keep goin’ down till I reach da airport, lookin’ for Ala Auana Street, where dey say goin’ be da stop for da airport, but I cannot find pillas, all I see is one big empty cement lot between da parking garage and da lei stands — dats it. Yeah, dey say goin’ be about one mile from da airport — you know, where dey check us in. How can I go to da airport with my coola, bags and all of my hand carries? You know I goin’ bring you snacks, Honey Boy.
So dey tell me I gotta go up da street to catch da shuttle bus, then da shuttle bus goin’ take me down da street to Da Kapolei Rail Station, then I gotta go up da escalator, catch da train to da airport, get off da train at Da Airport Station, go down da escalator, get on da bus, and da bus goin’ take me to da check-in counta — so much work!
I ask them, “How many times I gotta take my coola, bags and all my hand carries in and out, up and down, all ova da place before I get to da check-in counta?”
Then I get to da check-in counta — I gotta go bathroom because da rail no more — dey said, “Too expensive!” I cannot leave my bags cause da cops goin’ come and take ’em — you know, all dat security stuff — humbug! 
I goin’ let da utta people catch da train. Aunty (Anti) Rail too old and too tired for do dat!
I so tired just thinking about dat, and I gotta pay for do dat — dey must be crazy! Dey should pay me for do dat! I goin’ ask somebody take me airport, and I goin’ bring them one gift — more cheap and way more easy!
Too much work for catch da rail with all da stuff I bringing you, Honey Boy! I goin’ let da utta people catch da train — Aunty (Anti) Rail too old and too tired for do dat!
I ask ’em how Da Rail goin’ help me. Dey say, “We goin’ give you affordable housing.”
Ha-ha! You dreaming. What kine affordable housing, like $80-90 Thousand Dollars?
“No, Aunty, maybe $300-$400 Thousand Dollars. We dunno yet, we let you know lata.”
Ha-ha, you gotta be kidding me — dats not affordable to me when I only get Social Security! Honey Boy, I wonda every day, how I goin’ keep my house, my car and buy food, when da taxes keep goin’ up and up and up!
Funny kine, but dats okay, Honey Boy, I goin’ trust them because dey not goin’ lie to me. Dey Luv Aunty and all da Kupuna!
Okay, Honey Boy, Aunty goin’ sleep now, I too tired for write anymore stories, hugs and kisses till I see you in Vegas!!!
—Your Loving Aunty (Anti) Rail from Makakilo